Thought it was time to update this blog.  I stopped working with Clara around Christmas time.  I stopped for a few reasons.  A number of events have triggered a change in my philosophy about myself and my self-image.  Most recently, I was inspired by the Kevin Smith controversy.  Along with some other serious events taking place in my personal life, I realized it’s time to stop trying to be thin in order to conform to someone else’s ideal of perfection. There are some things I miss about being thin and most of them are vanity related.  For instance, the clothing choices for fat people are abysmal.  I miss not being judged (negatively) and discriminated against purely because of my appearance.  Of course, when I was thin and beautiful, I was judged positively when I so clearly did not deserve any special treatment. I also received prejudicial preferences solely due to my looks.  Being honest, that I do miss, but I know now it’s wrong.

Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs points to the ultimate state of being as “self-actualization.”  When I think about where I am at this stage in my life, the criteria that comprise self-actualization pretty much define me.  Why am I trying to make myself something I’m not?  When I see photos of myself around the web, I’m usually laughing or otherwise enjoying myself.

If society is hell bent on rejecting my looks, then so be it.  I have come to a place where I’m accepting the fact I’ll never be thin again.  That the new normal is fat for me, and it’s really not terrible.   I may stop writing in this blog.  Or, I may throw in with the fat acceptance bloggers.   Haven’t made up my mind.  All I know for today is it’s a beautiful day in Austin, and I’m getting outside.