Tag: writing

There are no short cuts

I just realized I have 177 readers of this blog. Interesting! That number (177) was my original goal weight a few years ago, May of 2023 to be precise. I’m only 5lbs from that goal as I type this today. I may even be closer because I haven’t weighed myself in the past few days.

I felt obligated to write a post in this long, long journey that sums up the harsh truth: You have to do the work to peel off that fat suit. The physical part is hard, regardless of how you get there. But, the mental part is the hardest. I see a lot of middle age and older women who’ve been losing scads of weight on the GLP-1s. I’m pretty sure if they’ve not done the mental work, they will regain the weight.

For me, it was really uncomfortable, raw even. I had to take a serious look at why I had gained the weight and kept it on so many years. I was obese most of my adult life. I remember the last time I was a size 10 (this is my real goal, not a number), it was 1992 and I had lost a few lbs because I was traveling to Europe and wanted to reconnect with a former lover, an expat living in Windsor, England. I did and I did. Good memories.

What happened from there was a byzantine trip through a very dark place that included a marriage and divorce. The obesity “protected” me from harm, or so I thought.

It didn’t.

Today, as I’ve written before, I’ve totally reclaimed my identity and shored up my resolve to live the life I was meant to live. I’m free from so many harms, it’s almost a miracle. Again, however, it’s not magic or shortcuts. If I hadn’t begun this self-analysis trek in August in 2008 (18 years ago), I would not be here today.

My new passion for creating songs that tell the story of my life will eventually detail some of the trials and tribulations I’ve gone through as I’ve reached this new (old) version of myself.

If you’re still with me, I encourage you to subscribe to my music. If you search my name: Susan Scrupski on any streaming platform, you’ll find my music. (It just occurred to me I don’t think I ever put my name on this blog.) If you want to see me sing and play guitar, you can find me on TikTok. I’ve only been at that about a year, so be kind.

I’m also pretty active on Threads. Would love to hear from you there.

Thank you so much for following my story. I really, really appreciate you.

Human Reinvention

So, I have a new hobby and a new job. I’m going to tell you about both and how it applies to my weight loss journey. Where we left off, some six months ago, I was frustrated that I was gaining weight because I stopped the Semaglutide.

That frustration was justified. I (re)gained 29lbs in roughly 6 months (from Feb. 27 to Aug. 10). As I stated in my last post, I wasn’t binging or eating “bad” food. I was just eating like a normal person without weight issues. Again, I will make the claim that my fat cells are a product of my trauma. Almost like a camel, my body wants to store fat around my bones and my organs to protect me. It’s kind of its job. I respect that.

So my brain and my body are in constant battle for control. For my part, I am working towards a a two-state solution.

In August, I started the Terzepatide compound. So, far I haven’t had any real side effects. It’s working. I’ve lost 15lbs and I’m not hungry. I don’t have that food compulsion instinct. I’ve made the commitment to stay on it. If I have to, forever. I feel good again. I can fit into my smaller sized clothes, and I don’t hate how I look in the reflection of a store window when I walk by. I know I have a long way to go. But, I’ve realized the key to this trek is PATIENCE. Or, maybe the countervailing strategy is not succombing to impatience.

This is where the Impatiens flowers come in. (Stay with me).

My sweet neighbor, Victor, takes care of me and my cat, Zeke. He has a key to my apartment and he lets Zeke in late at night when Zeke is done wandering our apartment complex and is ready to settle down in his comfy cat bed. For my birthday, Victor bought me a small plant for my patio. It was an Impatiens plant. Over the summer, that plant was losing its will to live. But, I kept watering it.

Which brings me to my new hobby. I’ve taken up songwriting as a hobby. Via the extraordinary capabilities of brilliant professionals in my field, I am now able to “generate” songs from the lyrics I write. This new creative outlet has enabled me to excavate the skeletal remains of deep-seeded trauma that’s been stowed away in many closets of my past. I can create songs without knowing how to play an instrument or sing a song. It’s pretty (fucking) amazing.

One of the songs I thought about writing was focused on how my nature is inclined to water dead plants. Because, someone who’s been through the trauma I’ve been through, cannot afford to give up hope.

Sure enough, my hope imperative delivered results. Sometime this month (mid-October), this plant I wrote off for dead, blossomed a single flower. I was over the moon. I sent it to Victor, and his sister, my good friend, Stephanie. We all agreed I should write a “comeback” song. I will, for sure, in time.

Which brings me to my current employment situationship. I’m a contractor for a large Big 4 professional services firm. One of the key tenets in the consulting world is predicated on looking to Business Model Reinvention to survive. The (correct) thinking about this is that if large organizations don’t put the time into understanding how technology will impact their current business models, they may not make it. So many examples come to mind that validate this claim. When’s the last time you took your family to Blockbuster, for example?

Net, net– as businesses need to reinvent themselves, so do humans. I’ve absolutely done this. My weight loss journey is a part of my own human reinvention. In many ways, I burned myself to the ground, and rebuilt myself from the ground up. I created a better, more resilient model of myself to face the future, and hopefully, be an asset to my grandchildren.

The lesson learned so far, is this is not a sprint. You cannot rush reinvention. It starts as incremental continuous improvement, morphs into transmogrification, which is sometimes painful for humans. Yet, as the young’uns say: Keep Going.

Eventually, you will see the fruits of your labor and the blossoms will bloom on the plant you wouldn’t give up on.

#Onwards