“I do not yield. Not one second to you. Not one second!”

Negative thoughts get in your head.  They eat away at your self-confidence.  I used to watch this phenomenon with interest as a cheerleader on the sidelines during football season.  I could tell when we were going to lose a game when the psychology of the team “turned.”  It was weird.  It was like an uncontrollable social contagion.  No matter how hard the coaches tried to pump up the star quarterback and all the athletes, if the team was spooked, the game was over. It was a sixth sense, and I could feel it every time.

So, when I saw that recent uptick on the scale, I was worried.  That’s why I blogged about it.  Thanks loyal readers for giving me some confidence.  I hunkered down this weekend and flushed out my system.  Drank a lot of water, swam, and I think I should be okay.

Here is some reverse psychology:

This morning, I happened to peruse my “Memories” tab on Facebook to see what I was doing last year.  I found this photo of me and my friend Jon: 

Of course, I had carefully cropped it so as to not post my gigantic self in the photo.  I’ve posted this photo before on this blog.

I think this dinner was the final straw, however, when I realized I had to do something about my weight.  That I wasn’t going to be able to enjoy the rest of my life that large. Again, I have to make the point that I am not shaming anyone who makes that choice for themselves, and who knows, maybe some day, I will be okay with it again. 

But, for now, I still want to do things that I can’t do as a large person. So, the trek to lose weight began last year at this time.

I decided to go to that same restaurant tonight.  I asked the waiter to take a photo of me. The photo’s not great, and you really can’t see much of a change in my weight, but I have lost over 50 pounds since that dinner last year.

So, in the words of Congresswoman Maxine Waters, (thank you ma’am), “I will not yield one second” to those negative thoughts.  I have made a lot of progress.

And I’m still in the game.

Update: Lost those 2.2 pounds plus .2 more this weekend.

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BeFit not BeFaT!

JustinI’m continuing on my path.  Justin, my trainer, and the co-owner of the BeFit Studio where I submit myself to his sadistic antics every week is pictured in the photo on the left. Although I tell him every time I see him I hate him, and I hate his wicked routines, I keep showing up.

We were discussing today, while I’m making progress having lost about 40 pounds, I still weigh as much as a football player.  We were trying to agree on which position now fits me best.

Where I probably started at as a burly Offensive Center, I could now possibly pass for an Offensive Lineman.  I told him my goal was to be a skinny Quarterback, but he told me some Quarterbacks can be big too.  In other words, I have some more flexibility and can start to feel some strength in my muscles, but I have a long way to go to get into fighting shape.

On that note, he convinced me to buy a bike.  I did that today.  I bought a sweet Fuji quasi-Mountain bike.  It cost more than I wanted to spend, but I decided it was an investment.  Florida has a lot of bike trails.  You can literally ride for miles on bike trails.  I have kind of hit a plateau with the personal training, and I need something more aerobic to get me moving the extra pounds around.  I think a bike can do it, so I’m going to try it.  Plus, it will get me outside in the winter sunshine.  I like that idea.

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I made a promise to myself that when I started this whole, “I don’t want to be fat anymore” thing that I wouldn’t do anything that was horrible, like exercise I hated or starving myself to the point of feeling miserable and surly all of the time.  I told myself I was going to give myself a break and take it slow and EASE into a new way of living.

I’m doing that.

So far so good.

So, still at it.

The other day, I was in a dressing room, and I was shocked that I was fitting into pants sizes 4 times smaller than I’m used to.  That was really incredible!  I texted Justin, (because I have no life and there was no one else to text, of course).  He was happy for me, and reiterated that he knew we were making progress. But, I was over the moon.  Wow!  This is really happening.  I will be on a horse… soon.

The Magic of Believing

I read this book, The Magic of Believing, when I was an adolescent.  This book, combined with a very strong faith, enabled me to pursue many paths and dreams with conviction and courage.  I very much believed in the power of the imagination to deliver on goals.

I started creating posters of my future.  With a little glue, scissors, magazine clippings, and poster board, I would assemble a collage that reinforced what I was working toward.   These posters were amazingly effective.  Even after I graduated college, I still enjoyed making them and displaying them.  I took a lot of satisfaction in achieving the dreams that I outlined on these posters.

I found an old one recently and realized I had achieved everything I set out to do.

To that end, I created a new one for my 50% off campaign.  I can probably even afford a frame now, so I’m looking forward to hanging this one and allowing the images and promise to seep into my sub-conscience.

Day Seven

My first week is coming to an end.  I feel good.  I figured out I lost 11 pounds in 6 days.  I didn’t weight myself today.  I will tomorrow though.  Tonight I’m searching online for shrimp recipes.  I’m half-way done with pastaqueen’s book.  It’s really encouraging.  So many crucial observations she makes I relate to wholly.  She’s a clever writer too, which makes it even more compelling.

The gap in my plan is I haven’t started exercising yet.  I really need to.  I’m just avoiding it for some reason.  Not sure why.  I know I won’t get to where I need to be without just starting to move.  The good news is I am highly motivated right now.  I want to do this.  Have even discussed it with a few of my online friends.  It’s liberating to talk about the fat thing.  Kind of like “coming out” or something.  Just being candid about my feelings about being fat, rather than everyone politely being in denial about it.

I’m a little nervous because I have a high-profile conference coming up where I have a leading role as an organizer.  I will be very visible, even have to speak to the assembly every day.  The conference is in San Francisco where NO ONE is fat.  They actually have a security gate just for fat people at SFO; many are rejected.

Well, by this time next year, at next year’s conference… I should be at my goal weight.  That is the image that is comforting me.