The Final Countdown

The perfect opener for this post is this over-the-top video of the song by Swedish band Europe with its big hair, 80s metal vibe.

As you know, I’ve written on this blog about how losing weight has a lot more to do with psychology than biology. I have been writing this blog for almost FIFTEEN years. So, 15 years a slave to obesity.

Obviously, I’ve made more progress than ever in the past few years, and I’m proud of that. But, the truth is, I have a psychological block about reaching that final destination. I’m exploring that out loud here on this page.


Well, let’s start with today in 2023: I’ve started dating again. I don’t look so terrible that I would be embarrassed to show up on a blind date. (I’m using a dating app, and that’s essentially what they are, blind dates where you have an inkling of who the other person is, but not much more than that.) Yet, I know I’m still too overweight to be attractive to the opposite sex. Or, at least attractive enough to the type of guy my 20-year old self would be attracted to at my age.

It’s complicated. On the one hand, maybe I should lower my standards and embrace where I fit in on the dating totem pole at this stage in my life. But, on the other hand, I could make the commitment, buckle down, and reach my goal weight. Be thin again. Be attractive again (even at this age).

Option number 2 opens up a Pandora’s box. It literally leaves me vulnerable to getting seriously hurt or further damaged. Option number 1 is pretty much unrealistic, as this is not how I’m wired.

So, I’m at an impasse– stuck in a sandtrap in my mind.

If I lean into option #2, I have already done the research on how to do it. The gym that I love, where I was a member before here in Austin, has everything I need to progress toward my goal. I would hire a trainer and launch, “The Final Countdown.” I’d have to get more diligent cutting back on carbs/sugar and reducing my alcohol intake. All of it would be difficult, expensive, and time-consuming. In many ways, it would be like starting from the beginning because this last leg of the journey would be the most demanding.

Am I sufficiently psychologically fit to be physically fit?

That is what I’m asking myself.

Week Ten and General Update

So, I’ve been at the dieting thing for 10 weeks. I just gained a pound and a half this weekend somehow, but before that I had lost 22 pounds since the end of August. It’s not really great, and I’ve hit a bit of a lull. I know what the problem is, I’m not exercising enough. I have started walking every morning, but it’s really not that far– just around the neighborhood. I listen to a few podcasts then come home and take a shower. On the other hand, I’ve been really faithful to the diet. I don’t fall off and I’ve learned to cook several South Beach recipes that even the kids like.

With the news of the economy worsening by the day, I decided I would try my hand at going back into the single’s market. I’d feel better for some reason if I could go through this financial meltdown with someone special in my life.  I so wish I could find someone else who is trying to lose a large amount of weight, too. That would be ideal!   But for now, because I really don’t have much of a “real” social life, I’m trying eharmony. I tried eharmony before when I first got divorced. It worked really well, so I’m hopeful something good will happen. Of course, I lost quite a bit of weight when I first divorced, so I felt a lot better about myself. (Yes, of course I gained it all back.)

The “wordle” image at the top of this post is something that is increasingly annoying in all the matches I receive.  These are the words that jump off the “match” profiles that come to me.  Men simply do not want to date fat women. Period. They make it very clear in their introductory comments they are only interested in __________ (substitute your euphemism for thin) women. It’s a shame, really. I have a lot to offer a single man, despite the fact that I need to lose this weight (which I will alone or in a relationship).  If it’s about the sex, that’s ridiculous. Without getting into a lot of personal detail, I consider myself adept in that department.  The way I look at it, sex is more or less about orifices anyway.  In all the years I’ve been alive- when I was rail thin and when I was overweight– I don’t ever remember losing or gaining weight in any orifice.  My brother reads this blog, so I’ll stop here.  Rant over.

I imagine it’s the same for men. I was watching “The Tao of Steve” Saturday morning before I got out of bed, and the main character, Steve, basically said the same thing. The dialog went something like this, “You wouldn’t date a fat guy, would you?” He was asking his love interest who honorably replied in the negative.

So there you have it. Discrimination once again levied against the fat population. Ironically, this is a fight I’m not willing to fight because it’s one that I, by default, tacitly endorse with my stated desire to lose weight (presumably to look better, not be healthier).

I’m not sure anyone is reading this blog (besides my brother), but if you’ve had personal experience with this fat-and-single-trying-to-date thing, I’d love to hear it. Thanks.