A Big, Fat Disappointment

It’s time to pick up posting on this blog again.  As you should have expected, I stopped dieting as I headed into the holidays.  The weight just wasn’t coming off fast enough, and I never could get up the motivation or energy to exercise.

It’s an insidious cycle.  I’ve gained back all the weight I lost and more.  The problem is… the BIG problem is… everything in my life would be different if I weren’t carrying this weight.  I know I have to commit to this to have a normal, happy life, and I have not been able to do that.

Is it purely psychological?  Should I do something drastic like bariatric surgery? (too expensive) or hypnotism? (too weird).  Lately, I’ve been asking the kids to take candid video and photos of me, so I know what I look like.  My self-image still doesn’t register with my actual image.  I can’t “see” how bad I look from the vantage point of my own eyes.

I’m going to look at an elliptical today.  I need to do this, or I’m afraid I may die of self-loathing.