“I do not yield. Not one second to you. Not one second!”

Negative thoughts get in your head.  They eat away at your self-confidence.  I used to watch this phenomenon with interest as a cheerleader on the sidelines during football season.  I could tell when we were going to lose a game when the psychology of the team “turned.”  It was weird.  It was like an uncontrollable social contagion.  No matter how hard the coaches tried to pump up the star quarterback and all the athletes, if the team was spooked, the game was over. It was a sixth sense, and I could feel it every time.

So, when I saw that recent uptick on the scale, I was worried.  That’s why I blogged about it.  Thanks loyal readers for giving me some confidence.  I hunkered down this weekend and flushed out my system.  Drank a lot of water, swam, and I think I should be okay.

Here is some reverse psychology:

This morning, I happened to peruse my “Memories” tab on Facebook to see what I was doing last year.  I found this photo of me and my friend Jon: 

Of course, I had carefully cropped it so as to not post my gigantic self in the photo.  I’ve posted this photo before on this blog.

I think this dinner was the final straw, however, when I realized I had to do something about my weight.  That I wasn’t going to be able to enjoy the rest of my life that large. Again, I have to make the point that I am not shaming anyone who makes that choice for themselves, and who knows, maybe some day, I will be okay with it again. 

But, for now, I still want to do things that I can’t do as a large person. So, the trek to lose weight began last year at this time.

I decided to go to that same restaurant tonight.  I asked the waiter to take a photo of me. The photo’s not great, and you really can’t see much of a change in my weight, but I have lost over 50 pounds since that dinner last year.

So, in the words of Congresswoman Maxine Waters, (thank you ma’am), “I will not yield one second” to those negative thoughts.  I have made a lot of progress.

And I’m still in the game.

Update: Lost those 2.2 pounds plus .2 more this weekend.

down

 

Plateau or Ledge?

For the past month, I have not continued to lose weight.  I’ve flat-lined at the 50-pound loss.  I know it has much to do with my annoying plantar faciitis and the fact that I can’t continue to use the treadmill, walk, or do the normal exercise I was doing that resulted in my early rapid weight loss.

I’m still sticking to my no carb, no sugar food choices, but the weight has just settled in and won’t budge.

I’m fairly frustrated.  At this point, when the pounds stop coming off, I start to lose patience.  I question why I’m doing this if there are no results, yada yada.

I realize I’m at a crossroads.  I have to change something I’m doing (or not doing) or I risk giving up completely.  I’m open to ideas, so if you have any, please share!

A Big, Fat Disappointment

It’s time to pick up posting on this blog again.  As you should have expected, I stopped dieting as I headed into the holidays.  The weight just wasn’t coming off fast enough, and I never could get up the motivation or energy to exercise.

It’s an insidious cycle.  I’ve gained back all the weight I lost and more.  The problem is… the BIG problem is… everything in my life would be different if I weren’t carrying this weight.  I know I have to commit to this to have a normal, happy life, and I have not been able to do that.

Is it purely psychological?  Should I do something drastic like bariatric surgery? (too expensive) or hypnotism? (too weird).  Lately, I’ve been asking the kids to take candid video and photos of me, so I know what I look like.  My self-image still doesn’t register with my actual image.  I can’t “see” how bad I look from the vantage point of my own eyes.

I’m going to look at an elliptical today.  I need to do this, or I’m afraid I may die of self-loathing.