“I do not yield. Not one second to you. Not one second!”

Negative thoughts get in your head.  They eat away at your self-confidence.  I used to watch this phenomenon with interest as a cheerleader on the sidelines during football season.  I could tell when we were going to lose a game when the psychology of the team “turned.”  It was weird.  It was like an uncontrollable social contagion.  No matter how hard the coaches tried to pump up the star quarterback and all the athletes, if the team was spooked, the game was over. It was a sixth sense, and I could feel it every time.

So, when I saw that recent uptick on the scale, I was worried.  That’s why I blogged about it.  Thanks loyal readers for giving me some confidence.  I hunkered down this weekend and flushed out my system.  Drank a lot of water, swam, and I think I should be okay.

Here is some reverse psychology:

This morning, I happened to peruse my “Memories” tab on Facebook to see what I was doing last year.  I found this photo of me and my friend Jon: 

Of course, I had carefully cropped it so as to not post my gigantic self in the photo.  I’ve posted this photo before on this blog.

I think this dinner was the final straw, however, when I realized I had to do something about my weight.  That I wasn’t going to be able to enjoy the rest of my life that large. Again, I have to make the point that I am not shaming anyone who makes that choice for themselves, and who knows, maybe some day, I will be okay with it again. 

But, for now, I still want to do things that I can’t do as a large person. So, the trek to lose weight began last year at this time.

I decided to go to that same restaurant tonight.  I asked the waiter to take a photo of me. The photo’s not great, and you really can’t see much of a change in my weight, but I have lost over 50 pounds since that dinner last year.

So, in the words of Congresswoman Maxine Waters, (thank you ma’am), “I will not yield one second” to those negative thoughts.  I have made a lot of progress.

And I’m still in the game.

Update: Lost those 2.2 pounds plus .2 more this weekend.

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The (humiliation of the) Gym

I’ve let my gym membership languish. I forced myself to stop in today to look into getting my account straightened out. I had frozen my personal account because I wasn’t going, but because of a billing glitch, they terminated my daughter’s account. She’s not going to be happy to hear that. (My daughter has been in the Northeast all summer). She’s coming home on Monday.

The gym I used to attend when we lived up North had a womans-only area where I didn’t feel so self-conscious on the equipment. In addition, there were many all-size women who worked out at that gym, so I never felt too freakish. This new gym, however, gives me the self-conscious heebie jeebies. I feel like they should pay me to go there, as I’m a walking billboard for reasons why other members need to keep coming.

I don’t really like this gym. All I can really do at this weight is the treadmill. The treadmills are not as advanced as the one in my old gym. I used to listen to CNBC in the morning and several podcasts that I would synchronize to my ipod before I left in the morning. I’d like to switch gyms, but I’m not sure I can get out of my contract. In any event, I’m going to have to start going.

I’ve thought about walking around the neighborhood. It’s so unbearably hot here though.