Month: May 2009

Hello Treadmill. Good-bye Lame Excuses.

IMG_0671I did it.  Bought a treadmill on Craigslist.  Not too bad.  I paid $150, plus I gave them some extra because they delivered it and set it up for me.   I decided to put it right in my office, so I’ll be AWARE of it all day.  Plus, I can use it in the morning while I watch various videopodcasts or shows on Hulu.  I just need to find some kind of wireless earphones because it’s kinda noisy.

At least I did it.  It’s a good start.

I noticed that I had lost six pounds by some random, fluke luck last week.  Maybe that is a good sign.  I have been cooking more healthy food again, but haven’t really committed to dieting.  My daughter and grandson are coming for a visit this week because my middle daughter is graduating high school.  I’ll probably wait to start the hard core dieting until they leave.

I’m happy about the treadmill though.  I hope it does the trick.

A Big, Fat Disappointment

It’s time to pick up posting on this blog again.  As you should have expected, I stopped dieting as I headed into the holidays.  The weight just wasn’t coming off fast enough, and I never could get up the motivation or energy to exercise.

It’s an insidious cycle.  I’ve gained back all the weight I lost and more.  The problem is… the BIG problem is… everything in my life would be different if I weren’t carrying this weight.  I know I have to commit to this to have a normal, happy life, and I have not been able to do that.

Is it purely psychological?  Should I do something drastic like bariatric surgery? (too expensive) or hypnotism? (too weird).  Lately, I’ve been asking the kids to take candid video and photos of me, so I know what I look like.  My self-image still doesn’t register with my actual image.  I can’t “see” how bad I look from the vantage point of my own eyes.

I’m going to look at an elliptical today.  I need to do this, or I’m afraid I may die of self-loathing.