Thought it was time to update this blog. I stopped working with Clara around Christmas time. I stopped for a few reasons. A number of events have triggered a change in my philosophy about myself and my self-image. Most recently, I was inspired by the Kevin Smith controversy. Along with some other serious events taking place in my personal life, I realized it’s time to stop trying to be thin in order to conform to someone else’s ideal of perfection. There are some things I miss about being thin and most of them are vanity related. For instance, the clothing choices for fat people are abysmal. I miss not being judged (negatively) and discriminated against purely because of my appearance. Of course, when I was thin and beautiful, I was judged positively when I so clearly did not deserve any special treatment. I also received prejudicial preferences solely due to my looks. Being honest, that I do miss, but I know now it’s wrong.
Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs points to the ultimate state of being as “self-actualization.” When I think about where I am at this stage in my life, the criteria that comprise self-actualization pretty much define me. Why am I trying to make myself something I’m not? When I see photos of myself around the web, I’m usually laughing or otherwise enjoying myself.
If society is hell bent on rejecting my looks, then so be it. I have come to a place where I’m accepting the fact I’ll never be thin again. That the new normal is fat for me, and it’s really not terrible. I may stop writing in this blog. Or, I may throw in with the fat acceptance bloggers. Haven’t made up my mind. All I know for today is it’s a beautiful day in Austin, and I’m getting outside.