Last stop? Self-Actualization

Thought it was time to update this blog.  I stopped working with Clara around Christmas time.  I stopped for a few reasons.  A number of events have triggered a change in my philosophy about myself and my self-image.  Most recently, I was inspired by the Kevin Smith controversy.  Along with some other serious events taking place in my personal life, I realized it’s time to stop trying to be thin in order to conform to someone else’s ideal of perfection. There are some things I miss about being thin and most of them are vanity related.  For instance, the clothing choices for fat people are abysmal.  I miss not being judged (negatively) and discriminated against purely because of my appearance.  Of course, when I was thin and beautiful, I was judged positively when I so clearly did not deserve any special treatment. I also received prejudicial preferences solely due to my looks.  Being honest, that I do miss, but I know now it’s wrong.

Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs points to the ultimate state of being as “self-actualization.”  When I think about where I am at this stage in my life, the criteria that comprise self-actualization pretty much define me.  Why am I trying to make myself something I’m not?  When I see photos of myself around the web, I’m usually laughing or otherwise enjoying myself.

If society is hell bent on rejecting my looks, then so be it.  I have come to a place where I’m accepting the fact I’ll never be thin again.  That the new normal is fat for me, and it’s really not terrible.   I may stop writing in this blog.  Or, I may throw in with the fat acceptance bloggers.   Haven’t made up my mind.  All I know for today is it’s a beautiful day in Austin, and I’m getting outside.

2 thoughts on “Last stop? Self-Actualization

  1. As you know we have the same genes. I also am on the fat or heavy side. I do not let it get in my way (except, perhaps, when lacing up my work boots). I did the one thing I could control that would extend my life. I quit smoking in 2006. I am happy with myself, I am quick to laugh, I have good friends and a great family.
    I live to my own standard and that standard includes ice cream. Ice cream is my last indulgence. I try to limit my intake of sugar, not for the belly’s sake but to avoid diabetes. My diet also contains very little processed foods and plenty of raw vegetables.
    Yes, I am prone to fat, but I would much rather be full of happiness and joy at 250 than miserable at 170.
    I understand. You are not “giving up”. You are deciding to live by a standard that is set by you rather than Madison Avenue.
    Good for you… Don’t forget to laugh out loud at least once a day. That will keep you healthier than a micro meal & workout.
    Your brother.

  2. Hi there,

    I found you through a retweet of your No-asshole rule from @ceciiil through Sherry Lowry on Facebook and I clicked through that blog to here. Whew, now that’s out of the way:

    I am a happy, healthy, obese professional dancer and dance instructor here in Austin. I just wanted to let you know (and you may be aware of this this already….) that there is an incredible size positive community in Austin.

    If there is anything that I can do to help you with your journey, please let me know, I am happy to help connect you to any resources that I can.

    If you want to make sure that I’m a real person, you are welcome to check out my dance non-profit at and my personal blog at You might also enjoy in your quest to find fabulous clothes that work for you.

    Good luck!


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