I’m making progress on getting to my goal. It’s slow-going now, but I’m not unhappy with my new life as a thinner person. Most of the goals I had for this journey, I have achieved. It’s a great accomplishment.
Here are two selfies (untouched) I took yesterday. Remember the first time I could wear a belt? This belt is from Free People, one of my favorite stores. It’s so satisfying that I can actually shop there now. That dressing room on the right is theirs, btw.
The main issue I have right now is my saggy skin. There are surgeries for this sort of thing, but I’m kind of unwilling to do that. You can see it on my right arm if you zoom in. I still have a lot of fat to lose on my lower abdomen, hips, and legs, but again, it’s not that bad. I’m able to fit in normal-sized clothes now. These are size 14 pants I’m wearing.
I started working out with a trainer again too. It’s resistance training. I’m doing it for mostly health reasons. Trying to rebuild muscle and get stronger.
My newfound music passion has been super rewarding too. I’m getting better at playing guitar and this Friday I will release my third album. It’s definitely my best one yet. I basically write stories from the past and the present, considering I don’t have much of a future to write about, haha.
I do know this: when my wellness coach from South Dakota asked me, “What would your life be like if you reached your goal weight?” My response was, “Everything in my life would be better.” I could see that future possibility.
Decided to keep writing on this blog on the off chance someone stumbles on it, and it can help motivate them. This week I finally reached my 100lb loss goal. I created a promo card and shared it with my friends. The truth of the matter is continuing on a path to lose weight is a lonely journey. At least if you’re doing it yourself and not with a group or partner.
I still have about a long way to go to get to my goal, but this milestone is significant and wanted to celebrate that I’ve reached my interim goal.
I’ve been able to follow through on a number of my intentions. Starting with the ability to get back on a horse! That’s a significant one. A few weeks ago I went on a trail ride. I was super happy about that. I still need to lose about 30lbs before I’ll feel comfortable riding the way I used to, but the fact I was able to easily get on a horse and enjoy a trail ride through the Texas hill country was so satisfying. Hopefully, I’ll keep losing weight over the summer and maybe by late fall when the weather cools off a little, I’m going to look into leasing or buying a horse. At the very least, maybe taking lessons.
One of the best outcomes in the weight loss is the ability to buy clothes in somewhat normal sizes again. In my closet, I now have separate sections by size. I’ve been giving away my largest clothes sizes, planning to never need them again. I’m very close to being able to buy normal size clothes and have gone from a size 28 in pants to a 16. I’m still not thin by any means, but what a difference that makes. I also hired a trainer again. I work out with her every week. I’m feeling stronger and I’m hoping the workouts will deliver a lot of benefits in addition to accelerating the weight loss. At my age, it’s good to build muscle mass and get as fit as possible. It has mental health benefits, as well as physical.
And now that I feel like I can relatively participate in society as a relatively normal-sized person, I’ve taken up new interests. The most fulfilling one is I’ve begun writing songs, as I mentioned a few posts back. The songs help me process a lot of the pain and anguish that has surfaced on this blog over the years. One of my favorite new songs (a Country music song) is a song I wrote to myself. It’s called, “Hello You.” It’s a song that was derived from the sentiment in this post, “Thin is a Feminist Issue.” I wrote then how much I wanted my life back. Today, I’m pretty close to achieving that dream and this song captures that vibe. Below is the Spotify link, but you can hear it on your preferred streaming platform. (Just search this song and my name). I think this is the first time I’ve actually mentioned my real name on this blog, too.
A photo from my friend’s stable. I wish I were this young girl, but I’m not.
I’m going to stop posting on this blog for a while, and publish a book of all these posts.
I’ve been making progress on my weight loss. I haven’t weighed myself lately, but I can tell I have lost all the weight I gained after I stopped the Semaglutide. All my clothes fit and some are loose. I’m confident I’ll continue to lose if I stay on the Terzepatide. So far, I haven’t had any side effects. I’m not motivated to increase the dosage either at this point. So, I’m optimistic I will keep going on this path.
I have changed so much about my relationship with food. My pattern is now to avoid heavy carbs, anything made with a lot of sugar, and essentially all processed foods that you’d find in the center aisles of the grocery store. My first post on this blog was August 8, 2008. I’ve been trying to get to a reasonable weight for 16 years, 5 months, and 13 days. Or approximately 6,026 days. That’s somewhat insane. Yet, over that period of time, as you can see on the pages of this blog, I’ve undergone a transformation. Not just physically too, as yes, I have lost a lot of weight. But mentally and maybe spiritually too.
This blog has helped me process my complicated relationship with food and the role of fat (extra weight) has played in my life. It’s served as a therapeutic device in that way. In 2011, I had explained my reasons for wanting to lose weight. I will relist them here and discuss the results so far.
Yet, there are some things I’d like to do in this world that my weight prevents me from doing. I will list them in an order that matters most to me.
Riding horses
Wearing great clothes
Presenting to large audiences
Traveling
Being taken seriously professionally
Dating
On riding horses, I’m still hopeful. Yet, I do worry about falling off a horse and breaking a bone or a hip as I’m getting older now. I’ve never fallen off a horse, but that does give me some pause.
On wearing great clothes, this has probably been my greatest joy in my weight loss journey. I’m still not a size zero, so I can’t wear the very best clothes. But, I am able to buy normal sizes (vs. plus sizes), at least in sweaters, dresses and tops.
On presenting to large audiences, I haven’t done that yet and not sure I will. However, I have begun learning how to play guitar, and wouldn’t feel embarassed to play in front of an audience. Well, maybe about my guitar-playing, but not my size. I don’t think I would have even tried to learn to play guitar if I were still massively obese.
On traveling, that is definitely better. No more extended seat belts, and most seats are comfortable with arms that stay down. Not always, but most of the time. Plus, regardless of where I go, I have no trouble climbing stairs or walking long distances.
On being taken seriously professionally, well? Jury is still out on that one. I definitely look better, but I’m still big. I’m not sure my weight is preventing me from making progress professionally. I haven’t seen any evidence of it, but it could still be an impediment.
On dating, another maybe. I stopped dating in the summer of 2023. I still don’t feel confident enough in the way I look to have a serious relationship. But, I may start dating again in 2025. We’ll see.
Last week, I met a friend for happy hour. Afterwards, we asked the server to take our photo. You can see in this photo, I am quite happy and in a good place mentally and physically. I will keep working toward getting to my weight loss goal, but I know it’s going to be a lot easier from here.
And, the best outcome of this process is– I’m living my best life.
So, I have a new hobby and a new job. I’m going to tell you about both and how it applies to my weight loss journey. Where we left off, some six months ago, I was frustrated that I was gaining weight because I stopped the Semaglutide.
That frustration was justified. I (re)gained 29lbs in roughly 6 months (from Feb. 27 to Aug. 10). As I stated in my last post, I wasn’t binging or eating “bad” food. I was just eating like a normal person without weight issues. Again, I will make the claim that my fat cells are a product of my trauma. Almost like a camel, my body wants to store fat around my bones and my organs to protect me. It’s kind of its job. I respect that.
So my brain and my body are in constant battle for control. For my part, I am working towards a a two-state solution.
In August, I started the Terzepatide compound. So, far I haven’t had any real side effects. It’s working. I’ve lost 15lbs and I’m not hungry. I don’t have that food compulsion instinct. I’ve made the commitment to stay on it. If I have to, forever. I feel good again. I can fit into my smaller sized clothes, and I don’t hate how I look in the reflection of a store window when I walk by. I know I have a long way to go. But, I’ve realized the key to this trek is PATIENCE. Or, maybe the countervailing strategy is not succombing to impatience.
This is where the Impatiens flowers come in. (Stay with me).
My sweet neighbor, Victor, takes care of me and my cat, Zeke. He has a key to my apartment and he lets Zeke in late at night when Zeke is done wandering our apartment complex and is ready to settle down in his comfy cat bed. For my birthday, Victor bought me a small plant for my patio. It was an Impatiens plant. Over the summer, that plant was losing its will to live. But, I kept watering it.
Which brings me to my new hobby. I’ve taken up songwriting as a hobby. Via the extraordinary capabilities of brilliant professionals in my field, I am now able to “generate” songs from the lyrics I write. This new creative outlet has enabled me to excavate the skeletal remains of deep-seeded trauma that’s been stowed away in many closets of my past. I can create songs without knowing how to play an instrument or sing a song. It’s pretty (fucking) amazing.
One of the songs I thought about writing was focused on how my nature is inclined to water dead plants. Because, someone who’s been through the trauma I’ve been through, cannot afford to give up hope.
Sure enough, my hope imperative delivered results. Sometime this month (mid-October), this plant I wrote off for dead, blossomed a single flower. I was over the moon. I sent it to Victor, and his sister, my good friend, Stephanie. We all agreed I should write a “comeback” song. I will, for sure, in time.
Which brings me to my current employment situationship. I’m a contractor for a large Big 4 professional services firm. One of the key tenets in the consulting world is predicated on looking to Business Model Reinvention to survive. The (correct) thinking about this is that if large organizations don’t put the time into understanding how technology will impact their current business models, they may not make it. So many examples come to mind that validate this claim. When’s the last time you took your family to Blockbuster, for example?
Net, net– as businesses need to reinvent themselves, so do humans. I’ve absolutely done this. My weight loss journey is a part of my own human reinvention. In many ways, I burned myself to the ground, and rebuilt myself from the ground up. I created a better, more resilient model of myself to face the future, and hopefully, be an asset to my grandchildren.
The lesson learned so far, is this is not a sprint. You cannot rush reinvention. It starts as incremental continuous improvement, morphs into transmogrification, which is sometimes painful for humans. Yet, as the young’uns say: Keep Going.
Eventually, you will see the fruits of your labor and the blossoms will bloom on the plant you wouldn’t give up on.
Well? Last week I had a particularly harrowing 8 hours of agony, stress, and even fear… as googling what was happening to me was sure to kill me. In short, I had a really bad side effect reaction to the Semaglutide. I recently signed up for a Concierge service here in Austin, so I was able to get help from my doctor right away.
I’m feeling much better now, but have made the executive decision to stop the Semaglutide. I’m anxious about regaining weight as I’m writing this. Yet, what happened to me was simply not normal. And I don’t want to put my 65-year old body through that kind of stress.
So, I will check in as time goes on and let you know how it’s going. I’ve maintained that since I started my weight loss journey pre-GLP1, I shouldn’t have the boomerang weight gain others experience. I have changed the way I eat and my relationship with food. The drug definitely reduced my appetite, but realistically, I did not have the significant weight loss I was hoping for by taking it every week.
I got serious about not wanted to live my life as a morbidly obese person in the summer of 2017. That’s nearly 7 years ago. So, my trek to lose my excess weight has been ongoing for nearly a decade.
This blog has captured my journey– all of it. The physical milestones, the successes and failures, but most importantly, the psychological introspection that has been key to understanding my own relationship with my body and my self-image. More than the weight loss itself, I’m really pleased I’ve kept up documenting every step along this long path.
Where am I in this moment?
I’m about two-thirds of the way to where I want to be. Most of the weight loss I did organically by changing how and what I eat and how I live my life. When the GLP-1 drugs emerged on the market, and I had hit a plateau on what I was able to do on my own, I made the decision to get an assist in order to get to the finish line.
The drug is definitely working, but not as rapidly as it works for some. I only lose a few ounces a week, and if I eat “normally” (which means carbs/sugar), I will quickly gain a few pounds. That’s alarming, as I realize once I stop the drug, it’s going to be really difficult to not regain any weight.
I’m currently at the lowest weight I’ve been in 30 years. But, as you can see, I still have a long way to go. That red slice represents 50 lbs. I’m hopeful insurance companies and Medicare will begin to cover the GLP-1 (and newer variations) drugs. It’s obvious there are preventative health benefits. I know I feel healthier than I have since I was in my 20s and 30s. And, frankly, I look so much better.
The looking better thing is controversial, I know. What I have to say about this is: it’s an individual choice. Part of my goal with the wholesale radical transformation I’ve been going through the past few years is reclaiming my identity. I self-identify as a confident, self-satisfied woman. There’s no shame in that. I feel if more women would look inwardly to explore who they truly believe they are, and then put the work in to realize that vision, there would be a lot more secure, strong women in the world. And, hell, we need that in many ways.
In other words, I only answer to myself. I am accountable to me. I am working to satisfy my own standards.
I’ll wrap this up with this. I have become a major fan of a young Country singer, Megan Moroney. She’s got the right attitude and expresses how I feel in this song:
So, I’m maxing out on the Semaglutide at the 2.4mg dosage starting next week. I will stay at this level until I reach my goal weight. So far, I haven’t had serious side effects, so I’m optimistic I will actually get there. It will take a long time, and it is expensive as I pay out of pocket.
As of this date, I’ve lost 13.6lbs since I began in June. Again, not great results, but I’m not gaining and am steadily losing a few ounces every week. I made a promise to myself that when I reached the highest dosage, I would start exercising. That should help accelerate things somewhat. We’ll see. I have the holidays to get through and a family reunion right after New Year’s. When I return mid-January, I will get serious about making better progress.
I found a stable close to Austin that has a better weight requirement for my height, so I’ve made it my goal to reach that weight. The horsebackriding thing is really important to me. Since I’ve been writing this blog, my avatar has remained a thin woman bareback on a horse. I am fixated at getting to that place.
On other scores, I will say that I am feeling so much better about my life in general. I have a great job (even though it’s a contract position), and I enjoy it. I live in a great city. I feel super comfortable in my skin, saggy as it is. I toggle between buying new clothes in regular sizes and smaller plus sizes. I look much better than I have in 30 years though. I’m more flexible; I don’t get tired walking or climbing stairs; seatbelts fit on flights; and the best upside is when I go past a random mirror or window reflection, I’m surprised by my new size (in a positive way).
So much of my life is better today. I have no regrets putting the time, discipline, and now money into this trek. I’m hopeful for 2024. As always, thanks for reading, and I will see you on the other side.
So, I am really not making much progress on Semaglutide. Since I started in June, I’ve only lost 13lbs. That’s over 4 months. If I average it out, that’s 3.25lbs a month. Not great.
As I’ve said before, the shot absolutely works like magic in decreasing, if not eliminating, your appetite. The issue for me is I can’t really eat less than I normally do. That would be unhealthy. As it is, I’m eating very little every day. And I’ve mostly stayed true to my healthy, low-carb, no sugar regimen. Occasionally, I’ll do something dumb like eat normally, or eat popcorn at the movie theater. But the majority of my day-to-day eating is the same as it was over the past few years, only maybe a little bit less quantity. The medicine also makes you feel full quickly, so it’s uncomfortable to overeat.
I always knew this last part of my weight loss trek was going to be difficult, but I was hoping the Semaglutide would accelerate my progress. This week, I will increase my dosage again to 1.7mg. The highest you can go is 2.4mg. If I don’t see any progress at those higher dosages, then I will probably consider quitting. That option is still a few months out, so I’m not fixating on it right now.
In other news, while I’ve been disappointed in the pace of my weight loss, I computed how much weight I’ve lost from my high a few years ago. It turns out, I’ve lost 81lbs. In that context, it’s pretty amazing. I’ve reached a lot of my short-term goals. The best is being able to shop in “regular size” boutiques and department stores. I was saying recently to my longtime best friend that I don’t feel like I look terrible, even though I’m still technically obese and weigh as much as an NFL linebacker. When I pass a random mirror, I’m actually amazed at how much better I look. It used to be the exact opposite.
I’ve started to consider my long, long-term goal of being able to ride horses. A friend of mine from work has two horses she keeps at a stable about a half-hour from me. It’s a large stable with about 100 horses. They give lessons; they board; and they even lease horses. She told me I’m not too big to get on a horse now. That was very kind.
I do want to lose about 30lbs before I try that, but I’m starting to get motivated about the idea of finally getting on a horse. It’s “exercise” I long to do.
So, summer is over in Central Texas. We’re heading into the rainy season.
I wanted to check-in and report how it’s going with the Semaglutide. I started injecting myself this week with the higher dosage: 1.0mg. It was surprisingly easy, and not scary at all.
The weight loss has been slow-going, but since I started in June, I think I’ve lost about 20lbs. So, that’s not terrible. Of course, remember, I had gained weight when I moved here. But, I pushed past that weight gain and am now back on track to continue losing.
You can see on the chart a slight tick up, and then the sharp decline. That’s about when I started the Ozempic.
I did the math and discovered I still need to lose 60lbs to get to my desired goal weight. So, it feels like I will be on this drug for a very long time. Maybe a year.
After working so hard for so long to lose this weight, I at least want to arrive at my goal. Once there, I’m not sure what will happen. Predictably, I will probably start gaining again once I’m off the medicine.
My theory on this is that at that lower weight, I will not mind exercising. I might even start jogging again like I used to when I was younger. I will definitely go back to the gym. It will be more comfortable in a thinner size.
I will definitely pursue the horseback-riding goal too. Maybe by this time next year, I can finally deliver on my original goal to ride horses again.
But, to be honest, I’m not unhappy with my progress. There have been some great small victories as I’m a “smaller” person now. For instance, when I was severely obese, I wasn’t able to take a bath. I didn’t have the agility to get out of the tub. That seems really awful, but it’s true. Now I take baths all the time. It’s a great way to relax after a long day.
Also, when I go to the department store, I skip the Plus section. I go directly to the “better sportswear” section. I can definitely fit in L and XL tops now, so I’ve been enjoying browsing the new fall fashions. I even bought a dress recently I’m looking forward to wearing. I particularly like this fashion brand, Bryn Walker. I’m very much looking forward to being thin so these clothes fit me well. Of course, I will never be a 0 or supermodel thin, but the opportunity to wear good quality, fashionable designer clothes is within reach.
I’m planning on continuing on this path. I will keep you updated. In the meantime, happy fall. There’s not much of a fall in Central Texas, but I sure am glad those 100+ degree days are coming to an end.
This is a photo of my father and his mother, my grandmother. I’m guessing my father was in his 20s in this photo, so that would date this photo sometime around 1938 or so.
My grandmother was a brilliant woman. She spoke seven languages. I’m posting this photo of her to bring attention to her shape.
In the 30s in America, there were no processed foods. No junk foods, no fast-food…
Let’s let AI tell us:
The 1930s were a very different time in terms of food and diet. There were no McDonald’s or other fast-food chains, and the concept of “junk food” didn’t really exist yet. Most people were eating traditional, home-cooked meals with whole, unprocessed ingredients.
In the 1930s, most families didn’t have access to refrigerators, so they relied on fresh, seasonal ingredients. Fast food restaurants didn’t exist, and there were very few processed foods available. The average American diet was much healthier in the 1930s than it is today. In fact, rates of obesity were much lower, and people had a much lower intake of sugar, sodium, and saturated fats.
My point here is I believe my body simply wants to be fat. It’s in my genes. I have similar photos of my mother who was obese the entire time I knew her on earth.
So, my body wants to be fat…
And my mind wants to be thin.
For this reason, I feel my journey is particularly difficult. I’m literally fighting with my DNA– the foundation of all living organisms on the planet.
Nonethless, I did go to the weight loss doctor. They started me on Ozempic which led to a bit of backlash when I announced it on my Facebook page. Not because my friends don’t want me to lose weight. Because there’s apparently a shortage of the drug that is life-saving for diabetics. The doctor told me they would be switching me to Wegovy when I return next month.
In short, I feel like I need science in this battle. I’m also doubling down and trying intermittent fasting.
The Fatcinating Blog 