So, I’m on day 6 of my 21-day challenge.  I’ve been religiously sticking to it (well, except the drinking of liver blood part).  I haven’t been feeling well, so I’m not sure if it’s a touch of the flu coming on or if the detox is really working over my inner gears.

I haven’t been exercising, until today.  There is a lovely park about a mile away from me that has a long walking trail. I went early this morning and there was this spooky layer of fog that hung low across the landscape.  It was kind of beautiful.  The temperature was in the 40s, but not too cold with just a sweatshirt on.  I downloaded the “This Morning” Wall Street Journal podcast on iTunes which runs 36 minutes.  It comes out every day, so this is just about the right time I need to walk around the park or my neighborhood.  If it’s too cold, I’ll use the treadmill.  I think I’ll pick up a pedometer this weekend.  Thinking I should wait for the fitbit until I know I’m definitely going to stay on track.

Tomorrow, there is a “cheat” meal on the 21-day challenge plan.  The literature cautions you to avoid alcohol, caffeine, artificial sweeteners, and dessert.  It’s like faux cheating.  Not much fun in that!

I was also thinking of renewing my membership to the gym.  I have this amazing gym very close by, Life Time Fitness.  It’s like the Country Club of gyms.  Again, think I’ll wait until I keep progressing along.  I haven’t weighed myself again, because I don’t want to get disappointed if the scale doesn’t meet my mental expectations.  Tomorrow is another ATX100 meeting.  I’m looking forward to that.  I may take it easy on the exercise part, as the group is about 3 months conditioned where I’m just beginning. I think I mentioned they’re starting a new program in January, so I’d rather track with that.

Thought it was time to update this blog.  I stopped working with Clara around Christmas time.  I stopped for a few reasons.  A number of events have triggered a change in my philosophy about myself and my self-image.  Most recently, I was inspired by the Kevin Smith controversy.  Along with some other serious events taking place in my personal life, I realized it’s time to stop trying to be thin in order to conform to someone else’s ideal of perfection. There are some things I miss about being thin and most of them are vanity related.  For instance, the clothing choices for fat people are abysmal.  I miss not being judged (negatively) and discriminated against purely because of my appearance.  Of course, when I was thin and beautiful, I was judged positively when I so clearly did not deserve any special treatment. I also received prejudicial preferences solely due to my looks.  Being honest, that I do miss, but I know now it’s wrong.

Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs points to the ultimate state of being as “self-actualization.”  When I think about where I am at this stage in my life, the criteria that comprise self-actualization pretty much define me.  Why am I trying to make myself something I’m not?  When I see photos of myself around the web, I’m usually laughing or otherwise enjoying myself.

If society is hell bent on rejecting my looks, then so be it.  I have come to a place where I’m accepting the fact I’ll never be thin again.  That the new normal is fat for me, and it’s really not terrible.   I may stop writing in this blog.  Or, I may throw in with the fat acceptance bloggers.   Haven’t made up my mind.  All I know for today is it’s a beautiful day in Austin, and I’m getting outside.

So, I’ve been faithful to working out and really watching the eating.  But, after nearly a month, I have only lost ten pounds.  I expressed my disappointment to Clara, and she told me I was exactly where I was supposed to be.  I’m somewhat frustrated though, so I decided to go hard core on South Beach again for a phase one, two week session.  I’m entering my second week now and although it is hard, I have been able to stay focused.

The exercise has been getting easier.  Clara has me doing a program on the treadmill called, “HIIT training.”  It’s basically a phased cardio workout that compresses the time you need to get a full workout in.  Once I do a base level fairly easily, I increase the speed and do that for a few days.  At the height of the routine, I’m walking much faster than I did on the treadmill I used at the Toms River gym.

She’s also teaching me exercises I can do in my room at the hotel when I have to travel.  I have a lot of travel coming up, so that’s a good idea. I’m still using the pedometer too.  On a good day, I’ll get over 8,000 steps in, although she says the goal is probably more near 10,000.

So, all in all, even though the scale frustrates me, I feel generally good about all this and am determined to continue.

I’m writing this while watching, “The Biggest Loser.”  I’ve been tempted to turn it off at least five times.  Can’t be sure if it’s some of the contrived enthusiasm or the thundering bass drum on the soundtrack, but I’m concluding (about 10 minutes in) that this show is not for people like me.  This show is for everyone else to feel superior to people like me.  But, alas.  Like a lot of things I don’t want to do, I’ll watch the damn show because there should be something useful that I can pick up as I begin my own journey.

Clara has been reliably punctual and attentive.  She’s been teaching me about portion sizes, frequency of meals, combinations of foods, etc.  It all makes sense, and so far I’m highly motivated.  I’m using my electronic tools and that is proving to be fun– almost like a sport or performance analytics or something.  Today Clara taught me about HIIT training.  I”ll try it on my own tomorrow.  One thing I guess I didn’t account for was the focus you need to put into this effort.  It’s like having a part-time job.  Kind of hard on top of a full-and-a-half-time job I already have trying to launch my business.

I realize I’m still in the honeymoon phase of getting this done, however.  Highly committed and engaged.  Clara has said a few things that have resonated with me.  One of which was, “Gaining weight happens by accident; losing weight happens on purpose.” Tru dat.  She discourages me from weighing myself, but I have lost 3 pounds, so I’m on my way.  The inner tube tire that was circling my ribs seems to have been deflated too.  That’s great.  I’d really like to come down at least 25 pounds by the beginning of November.

Soldiering on.

So, we’re starting out slow.  Clara has asked me to buy a pedometer, a new cookbook, and she has placed one of my (smaller size) jackets on my bureau so I can be reminded of it every day.  I also downloaded an iPhone app that will track what I eat and how I exercise every day.  We started the workout routine this week, and I couldn’t believe that such a small effort could render me so sore.  Yikes.

Here’s the beginner toolkit: