Tag: healthy-living

Staying the Course

Decided to keep writing on this blog on the off chance someone stumbles on it, and it can help motivate them. This week I finally reached my 100lb loss goal. I created a promo card and shared it with my friends. The truth of the matter is continuing on a path to lose weight is a lonely journey. At least if you’re doing it yourself and not with a group or partner.

I still have about a long way to go to get to my goal, but this milestone is significant and wanted to celebrate that I’ve reached my interim goal.

I’ve been able to follow through on a number of my intentions. Starting with the ability to get back on a horse! That’s a significant one. A few weeks ago I went on a trail ride. I was super happy about that. I still need to lose about 30lbs before I’ll feel comfortable riding the way I used to, but the fact I was able to easily get on a horse and enjoy a trail ride through the Texas hill country was so satisfying. Hopefully, I’ll keep losing weight over the summer and maybe by late fall when the weather cools off a little, I’m going to look into leasing or buying a horse. At the very least, maybe taking lessons.

One of the best outcomes in the weight loss is the ability to buy clothes in somewhat normal sizes again. In my closet, I now have separate sections by size. I’ve been giving away my largest clothes sizes, planning to never need them again. I’m very close to being able to buy normal size clothes and have gone from a size 28 in pants to a 16. I’m still not thin by any means, but what a difference that makes. I also hired a trainer again. I work out with her every week. I’m feeling stronger and I’m hoping the workouts will deliver a lot of benefits in addition to accelerating the weight loss. At my age, it’s good to build muscle mass and get as fit as possible. It has mental health benefits, as well as physical.

And now that I feel like I can relatively participate in society as a relatively normal-sized person, I’ve taken up new interests. The most fulfilling one is I’ve begun writing songs, as I mentioned a few posts back. The songs help me process a lot of the pain and anguish that has surfaced on this blog over the years. One of my favorite new songs (a Country music song) is a song I wrote to myself. It’s called, “Hello You.” It’s a song that was derived from the sentiment in this post, “Thin is a Feminist Issue.” I wrote then how much I wanted my life back. Today, I’m pretty close to achieving that dream and this song captures that vibe. Below is the Spotify link, but you can hear it on your preferred streaming platform. (Just search this song and my name). I think this is the first time I’ve actually mentioned my real name on this blog, too.

Stay the course! You can do this.

It’s all good

A photo from my friend’s stable. I wish I were this young girl, but I’m not.

I’m going to stop posting on this blog for a while, and publish a book of all these posts.

I’ve been making progress on my weight loss. I haven’t weighed myself lately, but I can tell I have lost all the weight I gained after I stopped the Semaglutide. All my clothes fit and some are loose. I’m confident I’ll continue to lose if I stay on the Terzepatide. So far, I haven’t had any side effects. I’m not motivated to increase the dosage either at this point. So, I’m optimistic I will keep going on this path.

I have changed so much about my relationship with food. My pattern is now to avoid heavy carbs, anything made with a lot of sugar, and essentially all processed foods that you’d find in the center aisles of the grocery store. My first post on this blog was August 8, 2008. I’ve been trying to get to a reasonable weight for 16 years, 5 months, and 13 days. Or approximately 6,026 days. That’s somewhat insane. Yet, over that period of time, as you can see on the pages of this blog, I’ve undergone a transformation. Not just physically too, as yes, I have lost a lot of weight. But mentally and maybe spiritually too.

This blog has helped me process my complicated relationship with food and the role of fat (extra weight) has played in my life. It’s served as a therapeutic device in that way. In 2011, I had explained my reasons for wanting to lose weight. I will relist them here and discuss the results so far.

Yet, there are some things I’d like to do in this world that my weight prevents me from doing.  I will list them in an order that matters most to me.

  • Riding horses
  • Wearing great clothes
  • Presenting to large audiences
  • Traveling
  • Being taken seriously professionally
  • Dating

On riding horses, I’m still hopeful. Yet, I do worry about falling off a horse and breaking a bone or a hip as I’m getting older now. I’ve never fallen off a horse, but that does give me some pause.

On wearing great clothes, this has probably been my greatest joy in my weight loss journey. I’m still not a size zero, so I can’t wear the very best clothes. But, I am able to buy normal sizes (vs. plus sizes), at least in sweaters, dresses and tops.

On presenting to large audiences, I haven’t done that yet and not sure I will. However, I have begun learning how to play guitar, and wouldn’t feel embarassed to play in front of an audience. Well, maybe about my guitar-playing, but not my size. I don’t think I would have even tried to learn to play guitar if I were still massively obese.

On traveling, that is definitely better. No more extended seat belts, and most seats are comfortable with arms that stay down. Not always, but most of the time. Plus, regardless of where I go, I have no trouble climbing stairs or walking long distances.

On being taken seriously professionally, well? Jury is still out on that one. I definitely look better, but I’m still big. I’m not sure my weight is preventing me from making progress professionally. I haven’t seen any evidence of it, but it could still be an impediment.

On dating, another maybe. I stopped dating in the summer of 2023. I still don’t feel confident enough in the way I look to have a serious relationship. But, I may start dating again in 2025. We’ll see.

Last week, I met a friend for happy hour. Afterwards, we asked the server to take our photo. You can see in this photo, I am quite happy and in a good place mentally and physically. I will keep working toward getting to my weight loss goal, but I know it’s going to be a lot easier from here.

And, the best outcome of this process is– I’m living my best life.

See you on the other side.

Human Reinvention

So, I have a new hobby and a new job. I’m going to tell you about both and how it applies to my weight loss journey. Where we left off, some six months ago, I was frustrated that I was gaining weight because I stopped the Semaglutide.

That frustration was justified. I (re)gained 29lbs in roughly 6 months (from Feb. 27 to Aug. 10). As I stated in my last post, I wasn’t binging or eating “bad” food. I was just eating like a normal person without weight issues. Again, I will make the claim that my fat cells are a product of my trauma. Almost like a camel, my body wants to store fat around my bones and my organs to protect me. It’s kind of its job. I respect that.

So my brain and my body are in constant battle for control. For my part, I am working towards a a two-state solution.

In August, I started the Terzepatide compound. So, far I haven’t had any real side effects. It’s working. I’ve lost 15lbs and I’m not hungry. I don’t have that food compulsion instinct. I’ve made the commitment to stay on it. If I have to, forever. I feel good again. I can fit into my smaller sized clothes, and I don’t hate how I look in the reflection of a store window when I walk by. I know I have a long way to go. But, I’ve realized the key to this trek is PATIENCE. Or, maybe the countervailing strategy is not succombing to impatience.

This is where the Impatiens flowers come in. (Stay with me).

My sweet neighbor, Victor, takes care of me and my cat, Zeke. He has a key to my apartment and he lets Zeke in late at night when Zeke is done wandering our apartment complex and is ready to settle down in his comfy cat bed. For my birthday, Victor bought me a small plant for my patio. It was an Impatiens plant. Over the summer, that plant was losing its will to live. But, I kept watering it.

Which brings me to my new hobby. I’ve taken up songwriting as a hobby. Via the extraordinary capabilities of brilliant professionals in my field, I am now able to “generate” songs from the lyrics I write. This new creative outlet has enabled me to excavate the skeletal remains of deep-seeded trauma that’s been stowed away in many closets of my past. I can create songs without knowing how to play an instrument or sing a song. It’s pretty (fucking) amazing.

One of the songs I thought about writing was focused on how my nature is inclined to water dead plants. Because, someone who’s been through the trauma I’ve been through, cannot afford to give up hope.

Sure enough, my hope imperative delivered results. Sometime this month (mid-October), this plant I wrote off for dead, blossomed a single flower. I was over the moon. I sent it to Victor, and his sister, my good friend, Stephanie. We all agreed I should write a “comeback” song. I will, for sure, in time.

Which brings me to my current employment situationship. I’m a contractor for a large Big 4 professional services firm. One of the key tenets in the consulting world is predicated on looking to Business Model Reinvention to survive. The (correct) thinking about this is that if large organizations don’t put the time into understanding how technology will impact their current business models, they may not make it. So many examples come to mind that validate this claim. When’s the last time you took your family to Blockbuster, for example?

Net, net– as businesses need to reinvent themselves, so do humans. I’ve absolutely done this. My weight loss journey is a part of my own human reinvention. In many ways, I burned myself to the ground, and rebuilt myself from the ground up. I created a better, more resilient model of myself to face the future, and hopefully, be an asset to my grandchildren.

The lesson learned so far, is this is not a sprint. You cannot rush reinvention. It starts as incremental continuous improvement, morphs into transmogrification, which is sometimes painful for humans. Yet, as the young’uns say: Keep Going.

Eventually, you will see the fruits of your labor and the blossoms will bloom on the plant you wouldn’t give up on.

#Onwards

Marking Time

It’s been about two months since I last wrote. I am not thrilled to report that I have not made much progress. I definitely lost that miserable 15lbs I gained when I moved to Texas, but it’s been slow-going since then on the Semaglutide. I started on Ozempic and am still on it for a few more weeks. I’m only at the .5 dosage, so still just making a dent in the progress and maybe the potential.

The clinic is moving me up to 1.0 in a few weeks. We already ordered it, so should be here in 3 weeks or so. I’ve read that at the higher dosage, it really kicks in. I’m willing to make the investment to try it. So far, it hasn’t been crazy expensive. The clinic has been working with me, as I’m paying out of pocket. I’m willing to keep going to see if things start accelerating at the higher dosage.

Nonetheless, since I started June 12, I’ve only lost 7.7lbs. That’s about three-quarters of a lb per week. C’est la guerre.

OF COURSE, I am not exercising. So there’s that. But, what I’ve realized is I’ve so dramatically changed the way I eat* as a result of what I’ve been doing for the past few years, I can’t expect to have the same dramatic results other people do.

The shot absolutely descreases your appetite. I honestly can’t remember being hungry all summer. I could probably abuse the Semaglutide and eat very little, but that would not be sustainable over time. I am concerned about going off it too. I don’t have severe side effects (yet, anyway). I’m a little nauseous sometimes, but nothing serious. Constipation is one annoying side effect, but that doesn’t happen often. So far, so good in other words.

So, this is just a check-in post to let you know how it’s going. I’ll report in again when I have something else to say. 🙂

On the choice of photo, I’ve been wondering about the French lately. Why are they so thin? They eat bread, pastries, cheese, drink wine… They take long lunches. I remember a book, “French Women Don’t Get Fat” that came out in 2007. I think I’m going to pick it up from the library.

Onwards.

*I still severely limit my carbs and have effectively eliminated refined sugar from my life.

Thin is a Feminist Issue

This is going to be an uncomfortable and difficult post. I’m not really sure how many people read this blog, but I felt I needed to write this post regardless of the pushback I may get. And may deserve.

It’s been a few years since I’ve been on my losing weight trek. I had no idea if I’d make the kind of progress I have in this last iteration. Over the years I’ve quit and fallen in with the fat positive movement. But that never satisfied me. I always rebooted my weight loss goals. It unnerves me when anyone fat shames, including me, but accepting myself in an obese size has never felt right.

This post is for women who were once thin– women who were once athletic, attractive, and whose body would be considered by most in society… sexy. So many of the stories I’ve read about women who’ve lost a lot of weight start out this way, “I was always overweight. As a child, I was bullied… etc.” This is not me and not the story for a lot of women who find themselves (somewhat hopelessly) overweight in middle age. Social media has only exacerbated the pressure to look our best.

I’ve spent a lot of time wading through the complex psychology that led me to gain (and retain) so much weight. But always, always, in the back of my mind was my memory of the me that used to be. I’ve wanted to reclaim my identity for as long as I can remember. Well, specifically, since about 1992 when I was last a size 10 and had great sex with an a former colleague in England.

Let’s talk candidly about beauty. The truth of the matter is: beauty is empowering. Beauty and sex appeal is a cudgel. It’s a tool women can leverage effortlessly, while pretending they’re not. Women long for equality and agency, but they are stack-ranked against the ideals society places on them. This stack-ranking includes how attractive, or at the very least, how thin they are. It’s just a fact.

I encourage you to read this piece by Susi Orbach who wrote the original, “Fat is a Feminist Issue.” She outlines all the hazards of this obsession with female perfect body types, but it falls short in acknowledging the freedom and power thinness delivers to the western woman.

The physical transformation I am going through is significant. In short, I want my life back. I crave that agency I once owned. A great example for me is the superstar vocalist, Adele. Take a look at her before and after. Now, of course, Adele is a performer in the entertainment industry who lives in the spotlight. But the effects of this reinvention is available to all of us. Granted, Adele can afford to spend a lot more on trainers, perfect food choices, and therapy, but the same before and after results are within reach to the average person, if you focus on the outcome.

Adele lost over 100lbs. She’s talked candidly about how it’s made a difference in not only her physical health, but her mental health.

I’m a grandmother. I have a grandson in an MBA program. But, it’s not too late for me. I realized my shadow self (just like Generative AI!) wants to get out. I want to be the woman I was before I became so damaged that I felt I need to wear a fat suit of armor.

I’m getting there.

Thanks for reading, and I sincerely hope I have not offended anyone. This blog is about my personal experience, and I bear no judgment on anyone’s personal choices about how they wish to live their life.

“Trackers are Winners”

That was one of the first things she said to me. Nikki, that is. She’s the woman I am going to hire as my trainer if a job I’m waiting on comes through.

I processed my last big question I was wrestling with in my last post for a week. ICYMI, here it is: “Am I sufficiently psychologically fit to be physically fit?” I came to the conclusion the answer was probably no, but I need to do it anyway.

Over the weekend, I decided to sign up for the pricey gym where I used to be a member here in Austin in 2011. The gym has gone through changes, but it’s still a beautiful facility. It’s even more beautiful, actually. Bonus: they’ve added a Pickleball program.

I asked around about trainers and was pointed to Nikki who would be the best in-house trainer who’d be able to understand what I’ve been going through and get me to where I want to be.

I spoke to Nikki for about an hour at the gym. I showed her my charts, read her my numbers, told her my story… She was empathetic and supportive. I was particularly happy with her, “Trackers are winners” comment, as I’m still obsessed with all my health data. It will be interesting to share this data with someone in a collaborative way to make adjustments to my progress.

The investment in the gym and Nikki will be trés cher. I’ve rationalized the expense by recalling what my South Dakota wellness coach asked me, “What would your life be like if you reached your weight goal?” Again, it hit me like a ton of bricks that EVERYTHING in my life would be better. When someone shows you a crystal ball sneak preview of your potentially amazing life… it’s not something you can ignore or dismiss.

How much would you pay to radically improve your life? I’ll bet the answer is a lot.

I should hear about the new job in the next few weeks. In the meantime, I have made the commitment to go to the gym every week. I will keep you posted, as usual.

Incidentally, I did the math. If I lose 2lbs* a week, I could get to my goal in 7.7 months. That puts me at the end of 2023.

*When I began seriously changing the way I eat, I averaged about 1lb loss a week. But, during that year, I did not have a trainer or a rigorous exercise program. So, this number may be too optimistic, but it can suffice as a goal for now.

New Year’s Intentions for 2023

Well? This new year, 2023, is going to bring a lot of change into my life. I’m leaving South Dakota in 10 days and heading back to where this blog began: Austin, TX.

I was looking at some of my first posts on this blog, and I had tried a number of ways to lose weight. One of my favorite posts on this blog is from December 2011. “Getting back on the horse.” I made a simple list of the reasons why I wanted to lose weight. At the top of the list is a desire to ride horses.

I still have that goal. I’m finally at a weight where it’s safe (for the horse) to get in the saddle.

The Texas hill country is beautiful. And the weather can present a pleasant trail riding experience.

So, my goal for 2023 is to get in that saddle. When I do, I will post photos.

New Job

I started a new job that is taking me to Austin. I found a place close to the gym that I love. I’m hoping to go to the gym on the days I work from home: Tuesday, Friday and then on the weekends. If the traffic’s not too bad, I’ll try to get there during the week too.

In general Austin is an active town. I’m looking forward to making progress with my weight loss there.

Have a great end to your 2022, and I will see you next year!

Thanks for continuing with me on my journey.

Year in Review: 2022

It’s hard to believe that another year has come and gone, and as I reflect on the past 12 months, I can’t help but feel a bit disappointed with my progress when it comes to weight loss.

Throughout the year, I made a conscious effort to eat healthier and exercise more regularly, and while I did manage to lose a total of 13 lbs, I can’t help but feel like I should have made more progress.

Despite my disappointment, I am determined to continue on my weight loss journey and make even more progress in the coming year. I know that losing weight isn’t always easy, and it requires a lot of hard work and dedication.

I am determined to stay focused and motivated, and I am confident that with continued effort, I will be able to reach my goals and achieve the healthy, fit body that I have always wanted.

So here’s to a new year and a renewed commitment to my weight loss journey. I may not have made as much progress as I had hoped this past year, but I am optimistic about what the future holds and am excited to see what I can accomplish with a little bit of hard work and determination.

Haha. ChatGPT wrote everything above this paragraph from this prompt I gave it: Write a year in review blog post about losing 13 lbs. express dissatisfaction with the progress, but optimism about continuing with weight loss.

In my own words now: I am disappointed that I only lost a total of 13 lbs this year and the AI is correct, I can’t help but feel I should have made more progress.

I took a look at when I started this blog. It was the summer of 2008. So, I’ve been writing here over 14 years! Over that time I’ve lost, gained, lost again, and regained.

The best news about 2022 is I stopped my pattern of regaining the weight I lost. I lost most of my weight last year (2021), but the fact that I stay true to my new way of eating and monitoring my weight loss is progress in itself.

I also achieved my goal to fit into normal clothes in 2022 (at least the top of my pear). And, to be honest, I feel so much better.

In 2023, I will be returning to the city where I began this blog: Austin, TX. My next post will be about intentions for 2023.

Merci Beaucoup!

Received a nice little pick-me-up this week. This blog is obviously a journal I keep for myself, but it’s lovely to see you supporting my “content journey.”

Hope everyone is having a great holiday season. I had PIE for the first time in years at Thanksgiving. Yet, yesterday my weight checked in at my lowest ever in years. So, hellya. Still going strong.

GOAL!!

Well? It took a S L O W w w w w 10 months, but I had a pleasant surprise this week. There is an upscale boutique on Main Street in my town that only carries, um, regular sizes. No PLUS sizes, in other words. From time to time I browse in there to check out all the clothes I would love to buy, but can’t because they’re not available to me.

But this week, I was looking at a few sweaters in the XL size and thought… “I think I can fit into these!” So, I quietly slipped into the dressing room, and sure enough… THEY FIT. They really fit, not too tight, too snug; they fit well.

I was ecstatic. This was my 2022 Intention from the beginning of the year– to fit into “normal” sizes. Exactly for this reason too; the clothing in normal sizes is simply better. Better quality, better designs.

Now, of course, I’m nowhere near my goal. But, this opens up so many great possibilities, and I’m super pleased with reaching this milestone.

It was a “spendy” (as they say out here on the Great Plains) purchase, but I definitely bought one of the sweaters to celebrate my accomplishment. I’m super happy.

Doesn’t it make you happy too?