Tag: health

Staying the Course

Decided to keep writing on this blog on the off chance someone stumbles on it, and it can help motivate them. This week I finally reached my 100lb loss goal. I created a promo card and shared it with my friends. The truth of the matter is continuing on a path to lose weight is a lonely journey. At least if you’re doing it yourself and not with a group or partner.

I still have about a long way to go to get to my goal, but this milestone is significant and wanted to celebrate that I’ve reached my interim goal.

I’ve been able to follow through on a number of my intentions. Starting with the ability to get back on a horse! That’s a significant one. A few weeks ago I went on a trail ride. I was super happy about that. I still need to lose about 30lbs before I’ll feel comfortable riding the way I used to, but the fact I was able to easily get on a horse and enjoy a trail ride through the Texas hill country was so satisfying. Hopefully, I’ll keep losing weight over the summer and maybe by late fall when the weather cools off a little, I’m going to look into leasing or buying a horse. At the very least, maybe taking lessons.

One of the best outcomes in the weight loss is the ability to buy clothes in somewhat normal sizes again. In my closet, I now have separate sections by size. I’ve been giving away my largest clothes sizes, planning to never need them again. I’m very close to being able to buy normal size clothes and have gone from a size 28 in pants to a 16. I’m still not thin by any means, but what a difference that makes. I also hired a trainer again. I work out with her every week. I’m feeling stronger and I’m hoping the workouts will deliver a lot of benefits in addition to accelerating the weight loss. At my age, it’s good to build muscle mass and get as fit as possible. It has mental health benefits, as well as physical.

And now that I feel like I can relatively participate in society as a relatively normal-sized person, I’ve taken up new interests. The most fulfilling one is I’ve begun writing songs, as I mentioned a few posts back. The songs help me process a lot of the pain and anguish that has surfaced on this blog over the years. One of my favorite new songs (a Country music song) is a song I wrote to myself. It’s called, “Hello You.” It’s a song that was derived from the sentiment in this post, “Thin is a Feminist Issue.” I wrote then how much I wanted my life back. Today, I’m pretty close to achieving that dream and this song captures that vibe. Below is the Spotify link, but you can hear it on your preferred streaming platform. (Just search this song and my name). I think this is the first time I’ve actually mentioned my real name on this blog, too.

Stay the course! You can do this.

It’s all good

A photo from my friend’s stable. I wish I were this young girl, but I’m not.

I’m going to stop posting on this blog for a while, and publish a book of all these posts.

I’ve been making progress on my weight loss. I haven’t weighed myself lately, but I can tell I have lost all the weight I gained after I stopped the Semaglutide. All my clothes fit and some are loose. I’m confident I’ll continue to lose if I stay on the Terzepatide. So far, I haven’t had any side effects. I’m not motivated to increase the dosage either at this point. So, I’m optimistic I will keep going on this path.

I have changed so much about my relationship with food. My pattern is now to avoid heavy carbs, anything made with a lot of sugar, and essentially all processed foods that you’d find in the center aisles of the grocery store. My first post on this blog was August 8, 2008. I’ve been trying to get to a reasonable weight for 16 years, 5 months, and 13 days. Or approximately 6,026 days. That’s somewhat insane. Yet, over that period of time, as you can see on the pages of this blog, I’ve undergone a transformation. Not just physically too, as yes, I have lost a lot of weight. But mentally and maybe spiritually too.

This blog has helped me process my complicated relationship with food and the role of fat (extra weight) has played in my life. It’s served as a therapeutic device in that way. In 2011, I had explained my reasons for wanting to lose weight. I will relist them here and discuss the results so far.

Yet, there are some things I’d like to do in this world that my weight prevents me from doing.  I will list them in an order that matters most to me.

  • Riding horses
  • Wearing great clothes
  • Presenting to large audiences
  • Traveling
  • Being taken seriously professionally
  • Dating

On riding horses, I’m still hopeful. Yet, I do worry about falling off a horse and breaking a bone or a hip as I’m getting older now. I’ve never fallen off a horse, but that does give me some pause.

On wearing great clothes, this has probably been my greatest joy in my weight loss journey. I’m still not a size zero, so I can’t wear the very best clothes. But, I am able to buy normal sizes (vs. plus sizes), at least in sweaters, dresses and tops.

On presenting to large audiences, I haven’t done that yet and not sure I will. However, I have begun learning how to play guitar, and wouldn’t feel embarassed to play in front of an audience. Well, maybe about my guitar-playing, but not my size. I don’t think I would have even tried to learn to play guitar if I were still massively obese.

On traveling, that is definitely better. No more extended seat belts, and most seats are comfortable with arms that stay down. Not always, but most of the time. Plus, regardless of where I go, I have no trouble climbing stairs or walking long distances.

On being taken seriously professionally, well? Jury is still out on that one. I definitely look better, but I’m still big. I’m not sure my weight is preventing me from making progress professionally. I haven’t seen any evidence of it, but it could still be an impediment.

On dating, another maybe. I stopped dating in the summer of 2023. I still don’t feel confident enough in the way I look to have a serious relationship. But, I may start dating again in 2025. We’ll see.

Last week, I met a friend for happy hour. Afterwards, we asked the server to take our photo. You can see in this photo, I am quite happy and in a good place mentally and physically. I will keep working toward getting to my weight loss goal, but I know it’s going to be a lot easier from here.

And, the best outcome of this process is– I’m living my best life.

See you on the other side.

Yeesh

I asked Dall-e to create an image of a frustrated, older woman. My goal is to express the frustration of a lot of women who have traveled this same path I have. Other than her thinness, that Dall-e was unable to fix, I think the AI tool nailed her demeanor.

So, I was wrong. As soon as I stopped the Semaglutide, I started to gain weight– and fast. I gained 7lbs in the first 5 weeks. It was really crazy. I didn’t turn to junk food and high carb choices at all. I just resumed my regular food consumption which is primarily still very low carb and no sugars. There must be something in the internal mechanics of that drug that slows down turning food into fat. It’s not just the appetite suppression, in other words.

I haven’t weighed myself in the past few days, but I know I’m probably at least 10 lbs up. I can feel the thickening in my abdomen area, and my pants are tighter than usual.

I’ve come to the conclusion that my body just wants to be fat. I’m not sure where to go with this. I’m wondering if it is rooted in a lot of the deeply psychological issues that I’ve discussed on this blog before (trauma-response, protection, etc.). There’s a growing trend in therapy/counseling circles that focus on the mind/body connection. My daughter is a therapist in this area, so I’m somewhat familiar with it. I’m going to explore this and see if I can remove some of these blocks (in the hopes that my body will be a partner in that process).

In the meantime, I’m staying true to the ways I changed my food intake from the beginning of this leg of my journey (April 2021). I’m probably going to stop writing for a while and will check in sometime in the summer to report on how it’s going.

One more thing, I listened to Jillian Michaels on Bill Maher’s Real Time this week. Ordinarily I would not tune into anything she says as a result of her awful, fat-shaming “Biggest Loser” series. But she made a few observations that I realized for myself are true. In essence, she said if you’re on these GLP-1 and other drugs, eventually you will plateau. And after the plateau, you’ll regain the weight. So, you may as well learn how to manage obesity organically. She advised investing the money you’re spending on the drugs on a good therapist instead to understand what is holding you back.

I hear ya, sister.

Course correction

Well? Last week I had a particularly harrowing 8 hours of agony, stress, and even fear… as googling what was happening to me was sure to kill me. In short, I had a really bad side effect reaction to the Semaglutide. I recently signed up for a Concierge service here in Austin, so I was able to get help from my doctor right away.

I’m feeling much better now, but have made the executive decision to stop the Semaglutide. I’m anxious about regaining weight as I’m writing this. Yet, what happened to me was simply not normal. And I don’t want to put my 65-year old body through that kind of stress.

So, I will check in as time goes on and let you know how it’s going. I’ve maintained that since I started my weight loss journey pre-GLP1, I shouldn’t have the boomerang weight gain others experience. I have changed the way I eat and my relationship with food. The drug definitely reduced my appetite, but realistically, I did not have the significant weight loss I was hoping for by taking it every week.

Anyway, that’s today’s update.

Onwards.

How it started. How it’s going.

I got serious about not wanted to live my life as a morbidly obese person in the summer of 2017. That’s nearly 7 years ago. So, my trek to lose my excess weight has been ongoing for nearly a decade.

This blog has captured my journey– all of it. The physical milestones, the successes and failures, but most importantly, the psychological introspection that has been key to understanding my own relationship with my body and my self-image. More than the weight loss itself, I’m really pleased I’ve kept up documenting every step along this long path.

Where am I in this moment?

I’m about two-thirds of the way to where I want to be. Most of the weight loss I did organically by changing how and what I eat and how I live my life. When the GLP-1 drugs emerged on the market, and I had hit a plateau on what I was able to do on my own, I made the decision to get an assist in order to get to the finish line.

The drug is definitely working, but not as rapidly as it works for some. I only lose a few ounces a week, and if I eat “normally” (which means carbs/sugar), I will quickly gain a few pounds. That’s alarming, as I realize once I stop the drug, it’s going to be really difficult to not regain any weight.

I’m currently at the lowest weight I’ve been in 30 years. But, as you can see, I still have a long way to go. That red slice represents 50 lbs. I’m hopeful insurance companies and Medicare will begin to cover the GLP-1 (and newer variations) drugs. It’s obvious there are preventative health benefits. I know I feel healthier than I have since I was in my 20s and 30s. And, frankly, I look so much better.

The looking better thing is controversial, I know. What I have to say about this is: it’s an individual choice. Part of my goal with the wholesale radical transformation I’ve been going through the past few years is reclaiming my identity. I self-identify as a confident, self-satisfied woman. There’s no shame in that. I feel if more women would look inwardly to explore who they truly believe they are, and then put the work in to realize that vision, there would be a lot more secure, strong women in the world. And, hell, we need that in many ways.

In other words, I only answer to myself. I am accountable to me. I am working to satisfy my own standards.

I’ll wrap this up with this. I have become a major fan of a young Country singer, Megan Moroney. She’s got the right attitude and expresses how I feel in this song:

Leveling Up

So, I’m maxing out on the Semaglutide at the 2.4mg dosage starting next week. I will stay at this level until I reach my goal weight. So far, I haven’t had serious side effects, so I’m optimistic I will actually get there. It will take a long time, and it is expensive as I pay out of pocket.

As of this date, I’ve lost 13.6lbs since I began in June. Again, not great results, but I’m not gaining and am steadily losing a few ounces every week. I made a promise to myself that when I reached the highest dosage, I would start exercising. That should help accelerate things somewhat. We’ll see. I have the holidays to get through and a family reunion right after New Year’s. When I return mid-January, I will get serious about making better progress.

I found a stable close to Austin that has a better weight requirement for my height, so I’ve made it my goal to reach that weight. The horsebackriding thing is really important to me. Since I’ve been writing this blog, my avatar has remained a thin woman bareback on a horse. I am fixated at getting to that place.

On other scores, I will say that I am feeling so much better about my life in general. I have a great job (even though it’s a contract position), and I enjoy it. I live in a great city. I feel super comfortable in my skin, saggy as it is. I toggle between buying new clothes in regular sizes and smaller plus sizes. I look much better than I have in 30 years though. I’m more flexible; I don’t get tired walking or climbing stairs; seatbelts fit on flights; and the best upside is when I go past a random mirror or window reflection, I’m surprised by my new size (in a positive way).

So much of my life is better today. I have no regrets putting the time, discipline, and now money into this trek. I’m hopeful for 2024. As always, thanks for reading, and I will see you on the other side.

Happy Holidays. 🎄🥂

Let’s all hope for a healthy, happy 2024.

Update: Down 85.4lbs from my high.

Marking Time

It’s been about two months since I last wrote. I am not thrilled to report that I have not made much progress. I definitely lost that miserable 15lbs I gained when I moved to Texas, but it’s been slow-going since then on the Semaglutide. I started on Ozempic and am still on it for a few more weeks. I’m only at the .5 dosage, so still just making a dent in the progress and maybe the potential.

The clinic is moving me up to 1.0 in a few weeks. We already ordered it, so should be here in 3 weeks or so. I’ve read that at the higher dosage, it really kicks in. I’m willing to make the investment to try it. So far, it hasn’t been crazy expensive. The clinic has been working with me, as I’m paying out of pocket. I’m willing to keep going to see if things start accelerating at the higher dosage.

Nonetheless, since I started June 12, I’ve only lost 7.7lbs. That’s about three-quarters of a lb per week. C’est la guerre.

OF COURSE, I am not exercising. So there’s that. But, what I’ve realized is I’ve so dramatically changed the way I eat* as a result of what I’ve been doing for the past few years, I can’t expect to have the same dramatic results other people do.

The shot absolutely descreases your appetite. I honestly can’t remember being hungry all summer. I could probably abuse the Semaglutide and eat very little, but that would not be sustainable over time. I am concerned about going off it too. I don’t have severe side effects (yet, anyway). I’m a little nauseous sometimes, but nothing serious. Constipation is one annoying side effect, but that doesn’t happen often. So far, so good in other words.

So, this is just a check-in post to let you know how it’s going. I’ll report in again when I have something else to say. 🙂

On the choice of photo, I’ve been wondering about the French lately. Why are they so thin? They eat bread, pastries, cheese, drink wine… They take long lunches. I remember a book, “French Women Don’t Get Fat” that came out in 2007. I think I’m going to pick it up from the library.

Onwards.

*I still severely limit my carbs and have effectively eliminated refined sugar from my life.

“Trackers are Winners”

That was one of the first things she said to me. Nikki, that is. She’s the woman I am going to hire as my trainer if a job I’m waiting on comes through.

I processed my last big question I was wrestling with in my last post for a week. ICYMI, here it is: “Am I sufficiently psychologically fit to be physically fit?” I came to the conclusion the answer was probably no, but I need to do it anyway.

Over the weekend, I decided to sign up for the pricey gym where I used to be a member here in Austin in 2011. The gym has gone through changes, but it’s still a beautiful facility. It’s even more beautiful, actually. Bonus: they’ve added a Pickleball program.

I asked around about trainers and was pointed to Nikki who would be the best in-house trainer who’d be able to understand what I’ve been going through and get me to where I want to be.

I spoke to Nikki for about an hour at the gym. I showed her my charts, read her my numbers, told her my story… She was empathetic and supportive. I was particularly happy with her, “Trackers are winners” comment, as I’m still obsessed with all my health data. It will be interesting to share this data with someone in a collaborative way to make adjustments to my progress.

The investment in the gym and Nikki will be trés cher. I’ve rationalized the expense by recalling what my South Dakota wellness coach asked me, “What would your life be like if you reached your weight goal?” Again, it hit me like a ton of bricks that EVERYTHING in my life would be better. When someone shows you a crystal ball sneak preview of your potentially amazing life… it’s not something you can ignore or dismiss.

How much would you pay to radically improve your life? I’ll bet the answer is a lot.

I should hear about the new job in the next few weeks. In the meantime, I have made the commitment to go to the gym every week. I will keep you posted, as usual.

Incidentally, I did the math. If I lose 2lbs* a week, I could get to my goal in 7.7 months. That puts me at the end of 2023.

*When I began seriously changing the way I eat, I averaged about 1lb loss a week. But, during that year, I did not have a trainer or a rigorous exercise program. So, this number may be too optimistic, but it can suffice as a goal for now.

Year in Review: 2022

It’s hard to believe that another year has come and gone, and as I reflect on the past 12 months, I can’t help but feel a bit disappointed with my progress when it comes to weight loss.

Throughout the year, I made a conscious effort to eat healthier and exercise more regularly, and while I did manage to lose a total of 13 lbs, I can’t help but feel like I should have made more progress.

Despite my disappointment, I am determined to continue on my weight loss journey and make even more progress in the coming year. I know that losing weight isn’t always easy, and it requires a lot of hard work and dedication.

I am determined to stay focused and motivated, and I am confident that with continued effort, I will be able to reach my goals and achieve the healthy, fit body that I have always wanted.

So here’s to a new year and a renewed commitment to my weight loss journey. I may not have made as much progress as I had hoped this past year, but I am optimistic about what the future holds and am excited to see what I can accomplish with a little bit of hard work and determination.

Haha. ChatGPT wrote everything above this paragraph from this prompt I gave it: Write a year in review blog post about losing 13 lbs. express dissatisfaction with the progress, but optimism about continuing with weight loss.

In my own words now: I am disappointed that I only lost a total of 13 lbs this year and the AI is correct, I can’t help but feel I should have made more progress.

I took a look at when I started this blog. It was the summer of 2008. So, I’ve been writing here over 14 years! Over that time I’ve lost, gained, lost again, and regained.

The best news about 2022 is I stopped my pattern of regaining the weight I lost. I lost most of my weight last year (2021), but the fact that I stay true to my new way of eating and monitoring my weight loss is progress in itself.

I also achieved my goal to fit into normal clothes in 2022 (at least the top of my pear). And, to be honest, I feel so much better.

In 2023, I will be returning to the city where I began this blog: Austin, TX. My next post will be about intentions for 2023.

Merci Beaucoup!

Received a nice little pick-me-up this week. This blog is obviously a journal I keep for myself, but it’s lovely to see you supporting my “content journey.”

Hope everyone is having a great holiday season. I had PIE for the first time in years at Thanksgiving. Yet, yesterday my weight checked in at my lowest ever in years. So, hellya. Still going strong.